Jenny Noa

Just did a pretty major overhaul of the site, and I'm mostly pleased with the work. I have spent another solid day looking for employment and revamping sites and links in aid of my search. I also contacted some people directly to let them know I was looking and to ask for referrals if they had any. And, as always, trolled the relevant sites for appropriate postings and submitted applications where appropriate. I think of all of this as scattering seeds. Here's hoping some of them find sun and a little water. It's a harsh climate, as we all know.

Helping me along was some particularly adorable cat company. I guess they have a vested interest in my efforts. Kitties gotta eat in the manner to which they've become accustomed.

Off to make turkey meatballs, methinks. Unless I find something easier that tempts me, let's face it. 

The show at the Fanatic Salon was a blast, and I can say that the piece I read went better than anything I've ever done. I settled on the Trash Talk essay, the one that launched the solo show. The Salon is a great space. You're really close to the audience, which filled the small seating area. Very intimate feeling and a great time. I got five names for my - ahem - mailing list for when the show goes up again. (So, yes, that makes five names total on my mailing list). It definitely got me thinking about the show and I'm ready to start work on it again.

Like the Friday show, the Vidiot's essay show was also a great time, with a super line-up of readers/essays and all in the fabulous Annex of theirs. Alas, the audience was sparse, though loving. I read my new piece and was pleased with it, though I'd like to try it again. Maybe at the next Klatch. We just had another one of those on Thursday, and it was thankfully better-attended than the last one (which we had to cancel for lack of audience). I did a character monologue, which was fun but nerve-wracking. I blame improv and essays for my total inability to memorize anymore. 

Now turning my attention to building up my client list. The time has come. I've made a few moves in recent weeks, and I'm hopeful for positive results, but I'm giving myself a good talking to about the whole thing. Hustling for work is part of the freelance game, it just happens to be the part I suck at. And I'm defeated almost before I begin because of the sheer volume of people out there who are just like me, only apparently willing to work for much less. There are freelance sites where you can sign up (for a fee) and then bid on postings - which is to say, underbid - in order to get the jobs. And they are rarely to write anything, other than maybe a gabillion blog posts for .10 per word. There was one I saw for typing a person's book manuscript - they'd used a typewriter and now needed someone to "put it on hard disk" for the publisher. What? A typewriter? Hard disk? Who the hell is this? And all for what would likely be a couple of bucks an hour in the end. 

So, when it comes to holding onto some sense of your self-worth, you're on your own. (Which, I know, is always the case. Still, it would be nice to get a leg up now and again). For all you have this set of particular skills and talents, chances are no one will actually see you out there. It's a crap shoot, and I suck at craps. Invisibility is probably one of my top Issues. It's probably why I stopped auditioning for things, and more likely why I never really started auditioning in the first place. It's hard enough to feel invisible all on your own, let alone have it reinforced every day. And so, I have to bite that bullet and post my resume, and send in applications, and get used to the silence that follows. Just because they can't see me doesn't mean I'm not here. Dammit. No wonder I keep getting up on stage and making people watch/listen.

It all makes my head hurt, and on top of that I'm kind of miffed about the whole thing. I've as good as given up on the Big Dreams. Can't I have this little thing? Is a regular paycheck and a job I like too much to ask? Hey! I'm walkin' here! Can't you see me?

Then again, maybe this is a sign I've been ignoring. I should embrace this phenomenon and try for some ghostwriting gigs. Might as well feature it, right? Use my power for good. 

So, the Vidiot's show last weekend was canceled due to the weather. The store lost power and called it at about 5pm. Of course, the lights came back on shortly after but there was no way to be sure they'd stay on, and anyway, we'd already started to spread the word and we couldn't unring the bell. I had spent hours on my essay so I might have been disappointed but in the end my relief in not having to go out in the pouring rain won out. I think the essay was ready to go, but it will no doubt be better by the time it finally gets read, most likely at the April show at Vidiots. I do prefer for these things to incubate for a while. It's called Opine, Have it Your Way, and yes, I'm stupid proud of the title.

Working hard and the hours are starting to level at a good spot. Finally got over my aversion to invoicing and caught up to the payment turnaround, so I can now expect biweekly checks. Oh, what a difference a salary makes! Things had gotten a bit tight and it was all my fault. And it was especially frustrating since I felt like I was working so hard, which of course I was. Anyway, I welcome the grown-up pay schedule with open arms.

Related to that, I need to do my taxes. Oh, March. Where did you go?

So. I paid the immediate bills and the past due stuff still leftover from the surgery last year, and I put into place the debt-reduction plan (a position I believe I once vowed never to be in again). Yesterday I enjoyed the simple pleasure of running errands with ready cash. My cupboards are full. The remaining credit card access checks are shredded. So....now what? I'm amazed at how quickly I'm able to switch to the next Want. The next anxiety. What am I supposed to do now? What was I meant for? Blurg. 

In what I believe is a priceless example of Me All Over, I ordered two books the other day. One is "Save the Cat: The Last Book on Screenwriting You'll Ever Need," and the other is "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are." Hahahahahaha.....[laughter trails off into tears]. Here's hoping one or the other holds the answer.

Had a wildly productive yesterday, but it was a list of cyclical things that will be back again before I know it -- laundry, housecleaning, menu planning, buying cat food and things like that. I have no plans to leave the house today, other than (maybe) to get some boxes shipped at the post office DIY kiosk. Part of yesterday's runaround was to earn my layabout today. Which is not to say I don't have things to get done today, only that they'll get done from home, thankyouverymuch. I have (almost) blogged, for example. I will post my stuff on freecycle.org. I will order the yarn for that belated birthday gift, and I will clean up computer files and bookmarks, and be wonderful, and finish watching that BBC series, and read some of the darn books from the library, and, and, and it's getting late.