Welp. The edits are in. And…oof.
I sort of did it to myself, having asked her to “give me everything.” I’ve since done some research and I can see that I might have done myself a favor and just gone for a big picture, developmental edit first. But here we are. And it’s fine, it’s all good.
It’s inevitably painful, is the thing. You hand over your somewhat naked self to a near stranger and they tell you everything that’s wrong with it. Crucially, you’re not required to agree or accept them all, but it’s easy for doubt to creep in, or take over. That's the most difficult part. Do I accept the edit of my favorite line? Do I dig in? Can I see it clearly at all?
Figuring out what makes sense to me, what I agree with, how to remove my own ego and see the whole thing more objectively…is going to take a lot of time, and that’s maybe the most disheartening part. Here I thought I was almost done.
But I love revising, I really do. This is not a hardship. It’s like ripping out your knitting. You were going to be knitting anyway. This is a journey thing, and I get a lot out of journeys (more essays, even!)
For now, I’m letting it sit. Coming to terms with what’s ahead and girding myself. I need to reset my internal timeline, which no one really cares about except me. And it’s fine. I’m happy to concentrate on other things for now. Soon the seesaw will tip and I’ll want to dig in. I look forward to that moment, I do. Just not quite there yet.
Stay tuned. :)