I have a proof copy of my book in my hands and I can't lie, it's a little surreal. I'm not sure I'm feeling all my feelings. It's a tough week to think that sending my small efforts out into the world will do any good, but I cling to my mantra - because the fire rages is no reason to turn off the hose. I even put that in the book.
Making art and sending it out into the world can be hard, folks. It's hard to brace myself for the unknown. But it's starting to feel like it's separate from me. And there's perspective these days. We need to be braver than we've been.
It's not perfect. I could work on this for the rest of my life and it would never be perfect. But it's a sincere effort to share and find connection with others and I believe in the power of that. I am always going to be on the side of being vulnerable and finding common ground, of making art, of expression. I think our being here on this earth is accidental - all of us are walking wonders. And passing through without ever really trying to find meaningful connection with other people seems like a terrible waste of the only life we get.
This is not just about the book, of course. Things have been hard for so long and they will get harder. I don't think this book can change the world, but it might be meaningful to a few people, and I'm going to try to find them.
I think there's a lot of benefit to peeling back the layers. I guess I have to think that, it seems to be all I know how to do. But looking inward, facing the past, parsing it, finding meaning ... this helps me grow. It helps me find forgiveness, and come to terms with pain, and I swear to you, it has helped me to be a better person.
I used to say this of reading a particularly personal essay in front of an audience - it's sometimes painful but it's always worth it. Publishing this will be like that. So, so many things are like that. Painful but worth it. Here goes.
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